When making a left turn, get your behind into the intersection.

Banjo does not want to say this twice. But he will, anyway. The law of the land (at least, according to Banjo's understanding, which is correct in this case) says that when you wish to make a left-hand turn in a crowded intersection, as soon as the light turns green (and there is no left-turn arrow), you are allowed to move into the middle of the intersection in order to wait for oncoming traffic to clear so that you may safely turn left. Please do so. When you do this, you allow at least one (1) additional driver behind you to make this light. When you do not, you doom at least one driver behind you (and as many as three (3)) to have to wait through an entire additional light-changing cycle. When said behind-you driver failed to plan ahead sufficiently and is now ten minutes late in driving a child to soccer practice and will have to face the wrath of the child's coach, who by day is a deputy sheriff and by mid-evenings is a youth soccer coach who "has better things to do than stand around waiting for people to show up to practice," your failure to move into the intersection could exacerbate the worst portion of his/her day. Think of others. Think of the children. Be Excellent. Move into the intersection.

While Driving, Simply Drive

Recently, while commuting to work, Banjo was driving in the carpool lane (this is not the extraordinary part--Banjo always drives in the carpool lane--legally, with other passengers, which rarely include inflatable dolls disguised to look like living persons). He looked into his rear-view mirror and saw that the woman driving the SUV behind him (of a size which makes Banjo's car feel small and easily squashable) with her head turned. That is right. He saw the back of the woman's head, as, apparently, she was giving instructions to children in the rear of the vehicle. This filled Banjo with Mortal Dread. He and she were driving at high speed, admittably beyond the posted legal limit, but with the flow of traffic (therefore, to drive any slower would have entailed taking different risks to body and property. Banjo offers this as explanation for his speed, not as justification for disobeying the law, which is a tawdry thing to do. Even Banjo occasionally fails to Be Excellent. Excellence is a Journey, not a Destination).

TANGENT: Journey is an 80's band, not a Destination.

So, to recap, Banjo is driving 75 miles per hour in crowded rush-hour traffic, with a much larger vehicle behind him--closer than he would prefer, and much closer than he is driving behind the vehicle in front of him. The driver of the behind-Banjo behemoth is looking into her back seat, apparently using in order to drive the eyes in the back of her head that alerted her to child misconduct worthy of turning around in order to correct.

To Banjo's relief, the woman behind him soon turned to face Banjo, although she did not alter her distance from his fuel-efficient automobile. No, rather, she apparently realized she had not completed some important morning gooming. She put down the sun visor, upon which apparently resided a mirror. And she began applying makeup. Lipstick. Eyeliner. Some sort of product that required both eyes-on-mirror and vigorous brushing of the cheeks. At 75 miles per hour. In crowded rush-hour traffic. Twenty (20) feet behind Banjo. When it takes something like one hundred fifty (150) feet to stop at such speed.

Banjo did the best he could do in such dangerous circumstances. He changed lanes and slowed his speed so that the woman could pass him and go on to terrify others. Seriously, Banjo does not need stress like this before work.

The woman promptly rear-ended the pickup truck in front of her, filled with gardening equipment outside and multiple gardeners inside. Both vehicles flipped over the guard rail into oncoming Northbound traffic, causing a loud, explosive and nauseating multi-car collision. The gardeners and the bus driver and several passengers of a school bus filled with special education students perished. The highway was closed in both directions for the next eighteen (18) hours. The woman and her own children survived without a scratch. Even the SUV merely needed a new bumper and a touch-up spot of paint on the hood (that is, after the blood was washed off).

ADMISSION: Okay. Banjo made that last part up. There was no collision. There were no deaths. Banjo exaggerates for effect. This is the sort of thing that can happen when  you do activities other than driving while...driving. Banjo is sure such terrible, unexaggerated things have happened to people, and nearby innocents, while doing more than driving while driving. Such things may have happened to you. (Banjo offers his condolences!)

Things to avoid doing while driving include: turning one's head to converse with backseat passengers, applying makeup, talking on the phone, reading, eating, mixing cocktails, conducting intimate relations (with oneself and with others), consuming illegal substances, shouting at children, watching the scenery, conducting hand-gesture-based communications with other drivers. All of which Banjo has seen other drivers do while looking in his rear-view mirror (especially the last one. Maybe it is something about Banjo that makes people want to communicate thusly with him). All of which put all of us in danger. Any such activity should be conducted while parked, preferrably on a tree-lined street, but not the one where Banjo resides that is, despite his best efforts, a popular place to conduct all of the above-mentioned activities.

Back to the story of the woman in the SUV (Banjo would not leave his readers without concluding such a tale). Banjo shadowed her for several miles until she exited the freeway, coincidentally taking an exit Banjo can take in order to get to work (not his primary choice, not his secondary choice, but one of his tertiary choices if the top choices are not available due to closures, stalled traffic or necessary errands that need to be conducted on the way to work. This was such an errand). The woman drove until she reached a prestigious private school, where she stopped, in the lane, blocking traffic, in order for three children to emerge and enter the school. So at least the children reached their destination safely. And presumably the woman was prepared for her day at work or volunteering at a hospice or whatever it is she needed to prepare herself for while driving. Banjo did not follow her further. He arrived at work, safely, and had a typically productive day.